Five Christmases
by AnnieXMuller
Summary: 2008 - 2012. Castle and Beckett's relationship over five Christmases. Fluff. Pure fluff. Spoilers for all seasons. Rated T for the final chapter. COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

December 25th 2008

* * *

"Merry Christmas," Kate said as she was pulled into a warm hug by her father.

Jim held his daughter for a moment, before pulling back, a hint of a smile on his lips. "Merry Christmas, Katie. I'm pleased you could make it."

She almost hadn't.

The previous year she had managed to lose herself so deeply in a case she had spent the entire Christmas Day at the precinct, folders scattered on her desk, a dry-erase marker in her hand so overused it had almost run dry. When the last few lingering detectives had left for the night, and she found herself completely alone, she had glanced at her father's watch on her wrist to find it well after ten. Her phone's display showed a dozen missed calls, and she had realized, with dismay, it was too late. She had missed Christmas with her dad.

This year she had forced herself to leave the precinct early, on a day Captain Montgomery had tried to make her stay at home.

She needed her dad tonight, as he needed her, but it was still hard, still a struggle to comprehend the changes in their lives; only nine years had passed since her mom's death, four since her dad found sobriety, one since she had realized she needed to stop focusing on her mom's case.

Last Christmas. That was when she packed up the folders, packed up the boxes, and shelved it all.

"I brought you a gift," she said shyly, her newly cropped bangs falling in front of her eyes. She tucked her hair back behind her ears, the strands only just long enough to stay put, and handed her father a neatly-wrapped gift.

He didn't take it. "Put it under the tree, Katie," he told her. "Then come, food is ready."

She had smelled it as she had entered his home. Turkey, and vegetables, warm bread rolls, and spices. It smelled like Christmas should, not like the stale air and body odor of the precinct, and it reminded her of happier times, when her life was untarnished by the true evils in this world, and everything was simpler.

She still felt the sadness, still felt the emptiness. Too many people had told her it would get easier, but they had lied. It was all still as painful and difficult as it had been that January back in 1999.

Christmas 1999 had been the hardest of her life. Too many raw memories, too much pain, and too much alcohol, made for a verbally explosive mix and she had crashed at a friend's place that night to escape her father.  
Memories of that night still lingered between them. Uncomfortable silences - an air of awkwardness - still hung around them at times.

She placed the gift under her father's small but festive tree. He had really made an effort this year, his own wounds healing more and more so that now he was able to speak of that cold January night without his voice faltering or anguish clouding his eyes. She had been trying hard this year to reach that point, but she still choked back sobs, and felt her eyes welling up, when memories hit her.

She needed a drink, but that would have to wait. Later, when she was back in her own apartment alone, curled up on her couch, watching old Christmas movies, she could knock back the bottle of wine currently chilling in her fridge.

She moved over to the kitchen, and began to carry bowls of food to the table, helping her father as best she could. It was too much food for two, more suitable for three. He had spent almost two decades cooking - or watching Johanna cook - food for three people, that the routines remained.

"You'll be taking some home with you tonight, I imagine," Jim told his daughter when he caught her surveying the amount of food he had prepared. "You won't have to cook for the rest of the week."

"I won't need to get take-out for the rest of the week you mean."

"Oh, Katie." Jim's face fell at her words. "You need to eat better."

She raised her hands in surrender. "I know, I know." She forced a smile, and gestured at the small table. "Food's getting cold."

They sat, passing bowls of food back and forth while they piled their plates high. Turkey, potatoes, cornbread, cranberry sauce. She needed the carbs, needed the protein, needed real food in her for once.

She answered his questions about work while they ate, tried to keep her replies as positive as possible. It was Christmas, no need to drag her farther down into the abyss she was desperately trying to claw out of. Work was good, in that it kept her busy, made her feel like she was doing something worthwhile, but there was a hint of emptiness to it now that she had listened to her therapist and shelved her mom's case. Even a year on it was strange to walk into the precinct and not have the same murder investigation be the first thing that entered her mind, and then the last thing after she had left for the day.

"You look good," Jim observed. Her skin was still too pale, and she was still too thin, but there was a small spark creeping back into her eyes, the one lost for so long. It was faint, only revealing itself briefly, occasionally, but he saw it. "Your hair suits you."

"Thanks," she replied softly, pushing strands back behind her ears. For the first time in her life her hair was so short she couldn't tie it back. It was no-nonsense, low-maintenance, and darker than it had ever been. It was a little harsh, but she liked it. She wasn't trying to impress anyone - not since Royce.

Food finished, she stood to clear up when Jim stopped her. "Leave that, Katie." He nodded over at the tree. "Go open your gifts."

She tried to suppress the smile, but she couldn't. Even in her twenties there was something joyous about opening gifts on Christmas day. She had really missed that last year.

When she reached the tree and looked at the gifts under it for the first time, it was clear what one of them was, but she kept her mouth closed, didn't want to ruin the moment. So she reached down, and plucked the three gifts out from under the tree, and joined her father on the couch. She handed him the one she had brought for him, and smiled down at the two he had wrapped for her.

"I think you can guess what that top one is," he said smiling.

Kate nodded. "I want to open it last, though."

Jim nodded. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

Ribbons were undone, tape peeled back, festive paper pushed aside.

"I wasn't sure if you'd bought it already," he said quietly as she stared down at the Derrick Storm novel in her hands.

She shook her head. "No, I hadn't. I meant to buy it when it was released, but then time got away from me, and I just never got around to it." She smiled brightly. "Thank you, dad."

Soon after, when the gift she had bought for her father brought tears to his eyes, she hugged him tightly, wished him a Merry Christmas, and bid him goodnight.

* * *

Later that night, alone in her silent apartment, Kate collapsed on her couch. She wept softly for her lost mother while she opened that bottle of wine, her tears continuing to trail down her cheeks as she finished her first glass. She pulled a blanket around herself, and only after turning to the first page of the book did a small smile begin to tug at the corners of her lips. She read her Christmas gift long into the night, until the words blurred and her eyes could take no more, and her body gave into sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**December 24th 2009**

* * *

Castle. Goddamn Richard Castle. He had waltzed into her life nine months ago and turned her world upside down - and she was _still_ reeling.

He stood behind her, having just reached awkwardly around her to place a coffee on the desk, glancing between her, and the elevator. He wasn't leaving until she had accepted his invitation, and she knew it.

"Just stop by," he told her, "after you've had dinner with your dad. We have eggnog, and pie."

"You sound - and look - like a kid at Christmas. Oh, wait," she told him dryly, tilting her head to look over her shoulder and meet his eyes. "That's _exactly_ what you are."

"You wound me, Detective."

He _almost_ looked genuinely hurt for a moment before his face broke out in a grin, and he added with a suggestive edge to his tone, "And mistletoe."

"Well in that case I definitely won't be stopping by," she replied, turning her attention back down to the paperwork she was desperately trying to finish so she could get out of the precinct at a decent hour on Christmas Eve. Montgomery had given her Christmas day off, and this time she was taking it.

"Why? Afraid you won't be able to control yourself?" He leered at her. "I assure you I'll keep my hands to myself."

Some days it was better not to even bother defending herself, and she certainly wasn't going to mention that it wasn't his hands she was concerned about. "Mmmhmm," she replied, ignoring him as best she could - which was difficult when someone with Castle's presence hovered over her shoulder, practically radiating with festive glee.

"But, seriously," he began as he moved to stand beside her. "My mother has been asking after you, and Alexis would love to see you. So, just stop by, just for an hour _or so_."

She sighed in frustration. "Okay. Fine. If it means you'll stop smothering me and leave already," she paused as he bobbed his head in confirmation. "Then I will make an effort to find the time to maybe stop by. But no promises, Castle."

"Good enough for me," he told her. "So," he began as he sat in his chair at her desk, his excitement over Christmas now a little more contained. "What does Katherine Beckett hope Santa brings her this year?"

She gripped her pen tightly, and glared at him. Hadn't he promised to leave the moment she accepted his invitation? "For you to either help me do paperwork, or stop watching me as I do it. Either one would be just fine."

"And if neither of those are an option?"

His tone had been playful, light, but she wasn't feeling either of those right now. "No murders tomorrow," she replied. "But there's no such thing as Santa and such hopes are pointless."

Castle shook his head, his eyes wide in exaggerated disbelief. "But it's _Christmas_."

She glared daggers at him, swiftly shutting him up, and returned her attention back to her paperwork, trying to ignore him sitting quietly beside her, sipping his coffee, and keeping her company until she was finished. She had to admit - silently, only to herself - that it was kind of sweet - in a creepy way.

When he walked her out, she promised she would try to stop by. No maybes, no redundant words thrown in. A simple: "I'll try." And even she couldn't keep the smile off her face at the grin that broke out on his.

* * *

**December 25th 2009**

* * *

"You're growing your hair out?" The first words her dad spoke to her when he opened the door to his apartment.

"Yeah," she replied, brushing the snowflakes out of her shoulder-length hair. "Maybe."

"It looks-"

"Like a mullet. I know. It's at the awkward stage."

"It looks _nice_," Jim finished. "Merry Christmas, Katie."

He pulled her into a hug, and she smiled over his shoulder. "Merry Christmas, Dad," she replied, their usual Christmas greetings now exchanged.

She entered his apartment, shrugged out of her coat, gloves, and scarf, and made her way to the kitchen, the smells drawing her in.

He pointed her towards the table, which he had already set, and sat at her usual chair, watching him bring the last two bowls of food over. They chatted comfortably, and she felt as though the awkwardness that had settled around them back in 1999 was finally almost completely gone.

"You look happy, Katie."

Kate smiled around a forkful of vegetables. "I am," she replied, after swallowing the mouthful. "I really am, Dad."

"You put Johanna's case to rest, and it shows."

She hadn't told him about Castle's discoveries, hadn't told him she had re-opened the case, hadn't seen the need to worry him. She chose to simply smile in reply, stuffing cornbread into her mouth so she couldn't speak.

"So how is your new partner working out?"

She almost choked on the bread. Swallowing hastily, she asked, "I'm sorry? Who?"

"Mr Castle."

That was who she had feared he had meant. "He's not my partner, Dad. He's just shadowing me."

"And how's that working out?" Jim repeated. His tone suggested it was an innocent question, but he was well aware there was a gleam in his eyes that was giving him away.

Kate blushed lightly under her father's inquisitive gaze. "Not bad. When he's not driving me crazy he can be quite insightful." She paused, shook her head, before admitting, "He's actually an asset."

Jim smiled. "He sounds like quite a character. Speaking of characters, I read _Heat Wave_," he told her, allowing just one side of his lips to curve up ever so slightly.

"Dad, please don't start. I get enough strife at the precinct."

Jim nodded, smiling at the mirth she'd tried to hide behind her words. It made his heart swell to see his daughter more at peace than he'd seen her in a long time. Her skin had more color, and her eyes had found their spark once more. She was still haunted, and he knew she would carry the loss of her mother with her forever, but she seemed to be living with it better. She seemed to finally be healing.

Still thinking about Castle, she shrugged at her father as memories of the year flashed through her mind. "Castle, well, he makes my job easier. I'm actually heading over to his home later tonight. For..." She paused, then chuckled. "Well, god knows." When she realized how inappropriate that sounded she back-peddled quickly. "No, oh god, I didn't mean _that_." She blushed while her father raised an eyebrow at her. "His family will be there. It's just eggnog and pie and..." She slumped forward. Her elbows rested on the table and she buried her face in her hands. "Please say something so this mortification can end."

"It's innocent."

"Yes!" She exclaimed, raising her head out of her hands. "He's... He's my friend, Dad. I _suppose_ he's my partner. And page one hundred and five has never - and will never - happen!"

Jim chuckled heartily then, forcing Kate to release a couple of nervous chuckles of her own. "I'd like to meet him one day."

"I'm sure you will," she replied, dropping her attention back down to her plate, avoiding his gaze.

"Good."

* * *

Beckett stood outside the front door to Castle's loft while a nervous energy buzzed around her. What had she been telling her father all night? That this was innocent. And it was. So why did she have unwanted butterflies wreaking havoc with her insides? "Pull yourself together, Kate," she muttered to herself. Composing herself, she knocked loudly, and waited.

Castle swung the door open, grinning broadly at her. "I knew you'd make it."

"Yeah, well, I almost didn't," she lied.

"Doesn't matter. You're here."

Alexis peeked around the side of the door, and she smiled when she saw the detective. "Dad didn't think you'd stop by," the teenager announced.

Castle just shrugged, smiling happily. "Well it could have gone either way."

"You're telling me," Beckett muttered.

"Invite the poor girl in, Richard!"

Kate looked over Castle's shoulder, to find Martha raising a hand in the air at her, beckoning her in. "Come in, my dear," the older woman said kindly.

Kate nodded a thank you, and stepped into the warm loft - stepped into a department store display.  
"Wow," she mouthed as she surveyed the decorations. "You went to a lot of trouble," she said out loud, finding her voice.

"Every year," Castle replied proudly, admiring his own handiwork.

Alexis stood beside Beckett, the detective now flanked by two Castles, and smiled at the room she had helped decorate. "It's a tradition," she said happily.

"It's beautiful," Kate replied warmly, a touch of awe still lacing her tone.

"As are you, Detective," Castle said softly into her ear. "Let me take your coat."

She allowed him to help slip it off her shoulders and into his waiting hands, before looking away to hide the fact his warm breath against her cheek and gentle touch on her shoulders had affected her. She felt the light blush creep into her cheeks, but maybe he wouldn't notice, putting it down to the toasty room, and the alcohol she could lie about having consumed already.

"I assumed there would be more people here," Kate told him, following him as he hung her coat up.

The coat now on a hook, he turned to her and frowned. "Just family," he replied. "No soiree this year."

Just family. The words echoed through her mind. She tripped over her emotions - and her own feet - as she stumbled behind him, praying he hadn't seen her graceless moment or the look of bewilderment on her face. She followed him into the kitchen, and stopped at the counter. She turned and watched Martha and Alexis as they added a few more touches to the tree. And what a tree it was. He really did go all out at Christmas.

She smiled as Castle handed her a glass of eggnog, accepting it graciously. "Thank you."

"Told you there would be eggnog," he reminded her as they clinked their glasses together.

Her attention drifting around the room, she strained her eyes to find the offending sprig she knew was hanging somewhere. There was minimal lighting in the room, allowing what had to be hundreds of Christmas lights to illuminate the loft. "Where's the mistletoe then?"

He chuckled softly, bringing his glass of eggnog to his lips so he couldn't respond.

She rolled her eyes at him. "So what's in store for me this evening?" She held a finger up at his shining, gleeful, eyes. "Seriously, Castle, or I'm walking out."

"Fine, fine," he replied, seeing the fire in her eyes that told him she wasn't messing around. "Dessert, a classic Christmas film, and it'll probably end with my mother belting out some Christmas songs on the piano."

"Sounds nice," she admitted softly.

He smiled warmly, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "It usually is."

He stepped out of the kitchen, and she followed him to the couch.

He turned to her as they sat, not on opposite ends of the small couch, but still with distance between them. "This is traditionally when this family exchanges gifts," he told her. "Alexis opened most of hers this morning, but I always keep a couple hidden for later."

She realized then what he meant. They would be opening gifts and he feared she would find it awkward, sitting there, just watching. "That's okay, Castle. I would never expect-"

Alexis standing before her, arms extended, a wrapped gift in her hands, silenced her. "We got you this, Detective Beckett."

Kate opened her mouth in surprise, but words failed her.

"It's considered polite to accept the gift," Castle murmured into her ear.

She blinked, and turned to him, his face inches from hers as he leaned towards her. She stared into his eyes completely dumbstruck for a moment. The proximity was too much, and she snapped her head back towards Alexis, and in her peripheral vision saw him pull back. "Uh, I..." She swallowed thickly. "Thank you, Alexis. All of you. Thank you so much." Now she did feel awkward. She hadn't brought them gifts because, well, she hadn't expected this, didn't think that was the kind of relationship she and Castle shared. She accepted the gift, but did so with apprehension. She felt awful now for not even bringing a simple bottle of wine.

While Beckett stared down at the gift in her hands, Castle reached behind the couch and produced Alexis and Martha's gifts. The women in his family handed him his, and soon all three were opening the presents. "You can open yours, Beckett," he told her, pausing mid-rip to elbow her gently.

Kate nodded, looking down dumbly at it. Blinking away the feelings within her, she smiled at him, and began to open it, secretly terrified as to what waited within. "Oh," she said softly, smiling with relief when the gift was revealed. A gun cleaning kit. "How thoughtful."

He smirked, but behind it was apprehension. He had spent longer looking for her gift than anyone's. He had searched through more stores - both in the city and online - than he cared to admit to, looking for just the right gift. He'd gone from funny, to serious, to way too personal, to funny. To... something she would hopefully find useful. In the end, he hadn't been at all satisfied with what he had picked out, but would he have been satisfied with anything? He had been shadowing her for less than a year, yet he already cared deeply for her - feelings which weren't mutual, he knew.

"I'm sure you'll put it to good use," he replied evenly.

Hugs were exchanged. Martha and Alexis took turns hugging Castle, while Kate watched on from her seat on the couch. She stood awkwardly when Martha moved to hug her, and allowed Alexis to also throw her arms around her in a quick embrace. She eyed Castle warily as he moved to her. No matter what happened next, it was going to be awkward as hell. When he moved to embrace her, she extended her hand, and took his in spite of his surprise and confusion. She shook it, like she had done the day she thought he was walking out of her life to write novels about a certain secret agent, and was about to pull back when his grip tightened. She was tugged forward into his arms, just briefly, before he let her go. She didn't touch him, didn't dare. Instead, she let him pat her back awkwardly and then release her.

She smiled through her mortification, and sat back down, downing her glass of eggnog in one go.

* * *

She stayed for the movie, watched as first Alexis, and then Martha excused themselves and headed up to bed. "I should go too," she said once it was just her and Castle on the couch. "It's late." It wasn't even eleven, still a respectable hour on this day of the year, but she was scared to be alone with him in such an intimate setting. They had inched closer to one another during the movie, not so close that they were touching, but close enough to leave her a little nervous. Nervous? Terrified. Terrified that she might give in to the feelings building within, the ones that had moved from a light crush to something deeper.

He looked disappointed for a moment, but didn't push her. "If you're sure?" At her nod, he added, "Thank you for coming tonight."

She smiled. "I'm glad I did. It was fun. Thank you for the invite, Castle." She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment, before adding, "And thank you for the gift. It was unnecessary, but thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied warmly. "You okay getting home?"

She wasn't drunk, wasn't even close to being near the limit let alone over it. She had made sure of that, knowing getting a cab tonight would be difficult. "I'm fine."

"Okay." He walked her to the door, and helped her into her coat, pulling it up to her shoulders, and smoothing it out.

His hand lingered on her shoulder, and she cleared her throat, turning to face him. "So, thanks again. See you tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow," he affirmed. He opened the door for her, and was about to allow her to turn and step out into the hall, when he stopped her. He didn't point up, didn't give any clues as to what he was about to do, instead he calmly leaned in and brushed a soft kiss against her cheek. Simple. Chaste. Platonic.

She froze, her arms hanging limply at her sides. This wasn't the first time he'd sprung a kiss on her, but she was just as unprepared. His lips were warm, soft, against her skin, and his breath had a hint of spice. As he pulled back, smirking, she looked up. Sure enough, there was the sprig of mistletoe hanging silently above her head, the one she had forgotten to keep watch for.

"You're lucky I'm not armed," she told him once she had found her voice. Suppressing a smile, she turned and began to walk towards the elevator.

"Until tomorrow, Detective," she heard him call after her. She raised a hand to wave, but didn't turn back to him. There was no need for him to see the grin she hadn't been able to keep inside any longer.

She entered the elevator, and waited until the doors closed before slumping back in the corner, her shoulders pressing hard into the cool mirrored walls, the edges of the hand-rails jutting into her sides, the only things keeping her on her feet.

She met her eyes in the mirror opposite, and frowned at herself. "Don't let him in, Kate," she warned her reflection.

But it was too late; she had already let him in. He had gotten under her skin, and was creeping his way into her heart.


	3. Chapter 3

**December 25th 2010**

* * *

Another year, another Christmas, another awkward conversation with her father. There were some traditions Kate could live without, and one of those was the Castle subject that kept coming up.

"How's your partner, Katie?"

Kate sighed. Her fork raised, she stopped it before it reached her mouth, a piece of turkey threatening to slip from it. "Dad, we've been through this," she reminded him, moving her fork back to her plate to secure the food on it before it dropped.

Jim calmly cut his food. "Well, however you refer to him, you haven't kicked him to the curb so I assume it's working out?"

"Believe me," she told him with a small smile playing on her lips, "I've tried. He just keeps on getting back up." Damn stubborn, wonderful, man.

"I've listened to you tell me stories about Rick all year, so I know you enjoy his company, Katie."

"Well, perhaps he's grown on me."

Jim watched his daughter as she became fascinated by the meal before her. "You care about him."

She continued to stare down at her food for a moment, before slowly looking up and meetings her dad's eyes. "We're friends, Dad. Just friends."

"You don't want more?"

Kate chewed on her lower lip, unsure how to answer that. "I'm with Josh, remember." The tone of the conversation left her stomach a little unsettled, and all of a sudden she no longer felt hungry.

"I wasn't sure because this is only the second time you've mentioned that name."

"He's a good guy, Dad. You'd like him."

"Do I get to meet this one?"

"If it lasts." She sighed sadly. None of them ever lasted. _Keep one foot out the door_, that was her motto. She could hardly blame the men she dated for the fact the relationships always ended too soon.

"Are you spending tonight with Josh?"

Josh was in Africa - working in a trauma center in Nigeria - and would be for some time. "No, I'll be stopping by Castle's for his usual Christmas soiree." Make it sound like a party. Make it sound like she wasn't the only person invited. Lie, lie, lie.

"Ah, yes. Of course." Jim nodded sagely. "Wish his family Merry Christmas from me, tell them I hope to meet them soon."

"I'll do the first part," she replied coyly. "This isn't school, Dad. You're not obligated to meet my friend's family."

"I seem to recall even at high school it was a battle."

Kate smiled at the memory. Her father's heart was all the better for not having met some of the guys she had dated back then - or for even knowing some of them had existed at all. Her smile faded. Not that she was dating Castle.

Jim's brow furrowed slightly as his daughter's gaze clouded over. "Your hair looks like your mother's," he commented carefully, aware it would bring her back from whatever memory she was lost in, and then send her to another.

Kate blinked rapidly, clearing her vision. "It does?"

Jim nodded. "You look so much like her, Katie," he told her gently. "Is that your natural color now?"

She had let the red grow out, and while she had colored it, it was as close to her natural color as a dye had allowed. "It is. Same as Mom's?"

"Exact, I'd say."

Kate was silently pushing the food around her plate. They had managed to avoid mentioning Johanna at Christmas, but both had healed enough that it was time to remember the woman who loved this holiday more than any.

"You okay, Katie?"

She smiled across the table at her father. "That was a nice Christmas gift you just gave me."

Pulling a small box out of his pocket, he held it out for her across the small table.  
"Speaking of which, can we talk about that ugly watch on your wrist."

Kate shook her head stubbornly, refusing to take the gift, able to guess exactly what was hidden within. "No, Dad. I've already told you I'm not changing it."

"What if I want it back?"

She chuckled. "Too bad."

"My arm is growing tired, Katie. Accept the gift," he told her.

"Dad..." At the look in his eyes, she put her fork down and took it from him, and stared down at the small wrapped box.

"Please open it."

Giving in to her father's request, she tugged at the thin ribbon, pulled back the festive paper, and revealed the jeweler's box within. Opening it, she looked down at the feminine silver watch, but didn't smile. "I'm not ready yet."

"That's okay," he assured her. "One day you will be. I know you'll wear it when you're ready."

"I will. I promise."

"So what time is this soiree?"

"Whatever time I make it."

Jim raised his eyebrows. "Oh?"

"There's no hurry, I mean," she backtracked, her fingers still wrapped around the box, clutching it tightly. "Castle's shindigs always go late into the night." She rolled her eyes. "And trust me, I won't miss anything by turning up a little late." Lies, lies, lies. She'd miss watching Alexis and Martha open gifts, miss the light in their eyes. She wanted to see that.

"From what you've told me, he sounds like a good man. Don't be stubborn like your old man, Katie. Don't waste time like Johanna and I did."

"Dad." There was a warning in her tone, a pleading in her eyes, telling him to stop.

"All I know is that you're more carefree than I've seen you in over a decade, and the only thing that changed recently was that Rick entered your life."

"I let Mom's case go too, remember."

Jim had seen all the changes in her since she'd stopped allowing Johanna's case to consume her, but this was different. Her eyes gave her away. "Hold onto him, Katie. He's making you happy, and that's important."

"Josh makes me happy, Dad," she replied. Big, fat, lie. "Castle makes me... Well, he..." She faltered. She was in a relationship that was leaving her feel empty and more than a little lonely, while falling for her best friend. She barely recognized herself anymore.

"I'll clean up. Go to your soiree."

Kate hesitated, but when she saw the look in her father's eyes, she knew she couldn't argue. Pushing her chair back, she stood, and moved to where he was now standing. She held the gift from him in her left hand, and wrapped an arm around him with the other. "Merry Christmas, Dad." She handed him the small wrapped gift she was brought for him, her eyes shining with unshed tears as she did so. "I love you." The words were still a struggle sometimes. Not because she didn't love her father fiercely, but saying it always left her feeling vulnerable, open.

* * *

"Let me guess, you almost didn't make it," Castle said playfully after swinging open the door to his loft.

Kate stood in the hall, and shrugged at his words. "You're lucky my dad let me go early."

"How is your elusive father whom I'm yet to be introduced to?"

Kate ducked her head. "Fine," she replied. He moved aside so she could enter, and she did so, glancing up as she stepped across the threshold. "No mistletoe this year, Castle? I'm shocked."

"Alexis rolled her eyes and then snagged it from me."

"She disposed of it?" At his nod, she added, "Remind me to thank her."

"Wounded. Again. As always."

She ignored his overly dramatic display as he mimed a knife to the heart, and focused on the room. The loft looked as it had the previous year, but it still amazed her, still made her inhale a breath in awe of all the time and love that had gone into the decorations.

"Not bad, right?" He asked, seeking her approval.

She smiled, and turned to him. "Not bad at all." She wasn't looking at the decorations when she said it, and she saw him tilt his head slightly at her words, at her tone. Truth was, she'd been getting braver lately. She had been just that little bit bolder. Not enough to reveal the feelings for him that she was only beginning to understand, accept, allow, but she didn't suppress as many smiles, and accepted more of his crackpot theories. All the while she never forgot that he was with Gina, back with his ex-wife, who was spending Christmas with her parents, and she was with Josh, who was never around.

"Drink?" He asked, his tone a little off while he composed himself.

"I'd love one."

"Merry Christmas, Detective Beckett," Alexis said as she made her way down the stairs.

"Merry Christmas, Alexis. Please call me Kate," she told the teen, again, having lost count of the times she had spoken such words.

Alexis smiled. "Of course. Sorry. Has Dad been polite and offered you a drink yet?"

"He has, actually."

"I sense you two may gang up on me tonight," Castle drawled.

Kate threw Alexis a conspiratorial glance, and Alexis smirked in return.

Yeah, he was in trouble all right. "Am I going to have to separate you two?" He asked.

"Oh, Darling," Martha announced as she joined them. "You are well and truly outnumbered tonight."

"Merry Christmas, Martha," Kate said warmly.

"Kate, so pleased you could join us," Martha told her, wrapping her in a brief but warm hug. "Merry Christmas."

"Gift exchange!" Alexis exclaimed, bouncing on the balls of her feet.

Castle handed Kate a glass of eggnog, before raising his arms in the air and announcing, "Gift exchange!" He high-fived his daughter, before the two headed to the couch.

"One moment," Kate said before joining them. She took her bag off the hook, and met them back at the couch, biting her bottom lip as she did so. She'd come a little more prepared this year, and was a little nervous about that. They weren't inspirational gifts, and in fact she felt a little silly about them, but she hoped the thought counted enough.

She sat beside Castle, as she had the previous year, and handed out the gifts she had brought - while feeling completely awkward about the whole situation as she accepted a gift from Castle in return.

"You didn't need to bring anything," Castle murmured into her ear so only she could hear.

"I wanted to," she replied firmly. She didn't turn her head, aware his face was still turned to her, seeing how close he was in her peripheral vision.

She held the gift he had handed her, her fingers tracing the slightly rough texture of the ribbon, the smooth wrapping paper. When she felt him nudge her with his elbow, she glanced up and realized everyone else was already opening their gifts, while she sat there staring dumbly at hers. She felt apprehension, which she didn't fully understand. Her fingers tugged at the ribbon, and she opened it slowly, trying to figure out what it was as she slowly peeled paper back, before it was revealed to the room. God, why was she so nervous about this? The apprehension in his own eyes as he watched her wasn't helping. She had made the mistake of glancing over at him, seen it, and quickly dropped her eyes back down.  
She raised two fingers to her closed lips when the purple silk bathrobe within was revealed. Her lips parted slightly as she dropped her hand away from her mouth and she desperately searched for words - any words.

"Before you freak out," he began, "I know how it looks, but - god forbid - your new apartment should meet the same fate as your last one, this bathrobe will hopefully survive." He smiled, almost smirked, as he added,. "And it's full-length, so it will cover _everything_."

A non flammable Christmas gift. Only Castle. She was about to respond, when he held a second gift out to her.

"Now this one is from all of us. For your new apartment, which I'm yet to be invited to," he said, his tone starting serious, but ending playfully as he spoke the last few words.

"When have you ever needed an invitation?" She asked, keeping her tone light despite the emotions swirling within her. She accepted the gift, and felt three pairs of eyes on her as she opened it carefully. It was heavy, felt expensive. She lifted the lid on the decorative box, and nestled safely inside was a porcelain water pitcher. She had lost almost everything when her apartment had been made unlivable by a bomb, and so a gift like this meant the world to her.

It was all more personal than the previous year, all held more meaning. It made her heart swell, and brought tears to her eyes but she blinked them back, kept her composure. "Thank you," she said softly, meeting all the eyes in the room, and smiling warmly

Castle opened his mouth to speak, when Alexis flew off the couch and threw her arms around her father's neck. "Thank you," she said happily, having opened her own gift.

"You're welcome, Sweetie." He glanced over his daughter's shoulder to catch his mother's eye. She mouthed, 'You did good.' to him, and he smiled. He shifted his gaze to Beckett, but her eyes were still lowered, her attention fixated on the pitcher as she ran a finger along the smooth surface. Yeah. He had done good.

* * *

Movie, dessert, and alcohol. It was swiftly becoming her tradition too. She allowed herself to drink just a little more this year. More than she had realized. By the time the film had ended she was more than a little tipsy, and in no condition to drive.

"How you doing there, Beckett?" Castle asked lightly. He'd been sneaking glances at her, watched her body language change from that of one who was sober, to one who was drunk. With Alexis and Martha both having retired for the night, he felt like teasing her a little.

"Just fine, thanks," she managed to respond clearly.

"Right. I think you'll be getting reacquainted with my guest room tonight."

Kate narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't think so."

"I didn't say _my _room," he clarified. "I said the guest room."

"I heard you."

"I don't think you have much choice."

She sighed. He was right. She'd be waiting forever for a cab. Nodding in acceptance of her fate, she stifled a yawn with a hand to her mouth, and then smiled at him. "Past my bedtime," she said lightly.

"Mine too," he replied.

She held his gaze, took a breath, and said, "Thank you for the gifts, Castle. They were very thoughtful."

"You like them?"

"They're perfect." She saw his eyes change at her tone, hesitation in them over her feelings about the gifts, turned to a different kind of need. She blinked, broke the eye-contact, and stood abruptly. The air in the room had grown too heavy, too thick. "I should go to bed."

Castle nodded, and stood slowly, before walking her to the base of the stairs. He stopped, and placed a hand on her arm to stop her before she turned away. "Merry Christmas, Kate."

He held a sprig of mistletoe above her head, and she silently cursed herself for not seeing that coming. Of course he had a spare sprig, and she was an idiot for not anticipating that.

He leaned in, and she allowed it, assuming he was simply going to brush his lips against her cheek - but then his head turned, and he placed a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth. It was daring, almost _too_ brave. He was pushing to see just how far he could take it when both were already in relationships, and she wasn't fighting him.

He pulled back, his eyes boring into her, and she gave him a ghost of a smile that she hoped was reassuring. "Merry Christmas, Castle, and thank you again for the gifts."

She turned and ascended the stairs, leaving him standing staring after her. She didn't turn back when she reached the top, didn't dare look down at him. She kept walking, towards the guest room, her ears straining for the faintest of sounds that he was following her.  
But he wasn't.  
Neither would be cheating on anyone tonight.

* * *

She left before dawn, making her way quietly to the ground floor of the loft in bare feet, to avoid her boots alerting anyone to the fact she was sneaking out. Only once she had slipped out the door had she put her boots on. It was cowardly, and she knew it, but when he called her up on it later she could simply tell him she had left once she'd seen a break in the weather. She couldn't control the fact that had been around five AM...

* * *

**AN: I leave what Kate bought for Castle and his family up to your imagination.  
**

**I fought with this chapter. In trying to keep it in line with canon as much as possible I had to restrain myself when writing the mistletoe scene (the original draft had Kate making out with him, just so you know). I also assumed Kate had moved into her new apartment by Christmas, but didn't go back and watch eps for clues to that, so excuse continuity mistakes there. I've done my best, but don't have the eps committed to memory and very little spare time. Thank you for understanding :-)  
**

**Reviews would be appreciated.  
**


	4. Chapter 4

**December 25th 2011**

* * *

She had _almost_ invited Castle to her father's for Christmas. The invite had been on the tip of her tongue, her heart daring her to ask him, her brain warning her it was too risky.

Secrets could come out.

Her father knew, of course. He'd asked her over the summer while she healed in his cabin; he had looked into her eyes, asked her how she felt about Rick, and given her no choice but to tell the truth. So, she had. She had told him Castle's words, told him how she had been lying to him, and just how much she really did care for him. She admitted she loved him.

After Christmas dinner the floodgates opened when the summer's events were recalled; tears streamed down her cheeks as she admitted her PTSD, how hard the months had been since the shooting, how she was only now learning how to heal.

"Give yourself time to heal, Katie, but be honest with him. Deception is damaging."

Jim wrapped his daughter up in a hug. His little girl was in pain, and he soothed it with a father's touch, with a father's words, knowing both could only do so much.

She pulled back, her tears having ceased, and wiped three fingers carefully across her cheeks, and under her eyes, even though she knew there would be trails through her foundation, and black smudges under her eyes. Excusing herself, she disappeared quickly into her father's small bathroom, and washed her face clean of all make-up, hoping her red-rimmed, puffy, eyes had settled before she left for Castle's.

When she returned to the table, Jim couldn't help but wonder if she had declined Rick's annual invitation. "Are you going to Rick's tonight?"

Kate nodded. "It's tradition," she replied, a sad smile tugging at her lips. It was Christmas, and the melancholy of the season washed over her. She could be going to his place to spend the night in his bed, or wrapped up in his arms on the couch until the early morning. She could be kissing him without the pretense of mistletoe. None of that would be happening, and she could only blame her messed up, damaged self, who only weeks earlier had been handcuffed to the man, survived being eaten by a goddamn tiger, and still couldn't admit to him just what he meant to her.

"Wish him a Merry Christmas from me." Jim paused, smiled. "He's a good man, Katie."

Kate nodded. Her voice wavered slightly as she replied, "He really is."

* * *

"Welcome, Kate, darling!" Martha opened the door this year, enveloping her in a hug before she'd even stepped inside. "So pleased you could join us."

Kate stepped into the warm loft, and glanced around. The decorations were up, and she smiled as she took it all in again, a comforting wave of familiarity washing over her, but there was no sign of either Castle or Alexis. "Am I early?" She asked.

"Oh no, not at all." She moved to stand at the bottom of the stairs, before calling, "Richard! Alexis!" She turned back and smiled at Kate. "Some last minute emergency upstairs." She waved a hand dismissively, letting Kate know it was nothing for her to be concerned about. "Would you like some wine?"

"Please," Kate replied. She unbuttoned her coat, and as she moved to place it on the usual hook she saw the suitcase in the corner for the first time. Was there another guest? Choosing not to comment, she stepped into the kitchen and had just accepted two glasses of red wine from Martha when Castle came down the stairs.

He smiled broadly when he saw her. "You came."

"I promised I would," she replied easily.

They met at the bottom of the stairs, and he took the second glass of wine she was offering him.

"Merry Christmas," she said, clinking her glass to his.

"Merry Christmas," he replied in return. He sipped the wine, before saying, "Guestroom is made up, just in case."

Kate frowned playfully. "Tell me that wasn't the big emergency upstairs."

It hadn't been, but he didn't let that slip. "Well," he began, gesturing at the wine, "We can't have you crashing on the couch."

"I do not crash on anything, Castle. I can hold my liquor."

"Mmmmhmmm."

She swiped playfully at his arm, her face lit up by a bright smile. "Don't push your luck, Castle. I may not be armed but I still know how how to kill a man with just my hands."

"And other body parts," he murmured into his wine glass as he turned away from her. "Mother! Let us help you with those desserts!"

She narrowed her eyes at his back, shooting him daggers, aware she had heard exactly what she thought she had. In October he had groped her, at the beginning of December he had admired her legs, been too comfortable waking up beside her. She was so close to giving in to him. She wanted to. Badly. He wasn't helping by becoming almost too brave now; he loved her and she knew it, but her wall - and her lie - kept her from grabbing him and kissing him senseless.

Alexis came down the stairs then, in a blur of red hair and light blue dress. She had almost reached the door, when she stopped and spun around. She hugged her father, almost squealing in her joy. "Thank you, Dad, thank you!" She released him, and hugged her grandmother. "See you soon!" She smiled at Beckett, but resisted hugging her. "Merry Christmas, Detective Beckett," she said, before collecting her suitcase sitting beside the front door, and scurrying out.

"What was that?" Kate asked, confused.

"Meredith got her last minute flights to spend a few days in California with her."

So _that_ had been the big emergency upstairs. "You okay?"

Castle sighed, his eyes locked on the closed door. "First Christmas without Alexis," he said softly.

"You spent the day together though," Kate reminded him. She touched a hand to his arm in an attempt to get him to shift his attention away from the door.

"But it's not over until she hauls her tired butt up to bed after too much pumpkin pie and ice cream."

Kate patted his arm reassuringly. Sadness clouded his eyes, and it almost made her want to break down into tears. She now saw what she had put her own father through during all those Christmases she had chosen not to spend with him.

He blinked the emptiness away, and looked at Kate. "Are _you_ okay?"

"I'm fine," she replied. More lies. She was getting too good at them. It had to stop. Kate moved to collect her bag, when Castle's hand on her arm stopped her. "What?"

"Later," he replied softly, so that only she could hear. "Christmas movie first."

Kate nodded slowly. This was only her third Christmas with Castle and his family, but already she could sense the changes taking place. Traditions were slowly disappearing, and she wondered if the lack of Alexis had such a big impact, or if there was more to it.  
She followed him to the couch, a plate of pumpkin pie in her hands, and sat beside him. They sat closer now, each year the space between them had become less and less until now their sides were almost touching. Almost. Not quite.

All three ate and watched the film in silence. Castle stood halfway through the movie for seconds, and Kate suppressed the smile when he sat back down, brushing against her like it was the most normal thing in the world. The one person she couldn't lie to was herself; she had been contemplating inching just a little closer to him, removing that distance entirely. Her own plate now sat on the coffee table, and she fidgeted with her hands for a moment, nervous energy radiating off her from the fact his arm was brushing against hers, their knees touching.

He nudged her gently with his elbow, and when she turned to him she couldn't suppress the smile any longer. He was holding out a second fork to her, moving his plate to balance on both their legs.

"Too much for me, so I hope you've still got some room."

She did. She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth for a moment, deciding if this was a good idea, before giving in and taking the fork.

Martha watched the exchange from the kitchen, and she knew her son would be just fine tonight. She had planned to refill her wine glass, but she saw in his body language just how much he needed that contact tonight, and chose to let them be. "Richard, Kate, I'm afraid I must call it a night," she announced as she headed for the stairs.

Castle paused the film and turned slightly to look at her, a hand on the edge of the plate keeping it from slipping to the floor. "Mother?" He queried, a warning in his eyes.

"Oh, Richard. I'm exhausted. See you both in the morning." Once at the top of the stairs, she wished them both a final Merry Christmas, before leaving them alone - leaving a stunned Kate in her wake.

Why did everyone assume she would be staying over? Just because the guestroom was made up, didn't mean she would accept the offer. She was barely even buzzed off her two glasses of red wine, and if she stopped now she'd be fine to drive home later that evening.

Castle brushed it off better than she had, turning back and restarting the film, but she couldn't concentrate on the movie any more. They were alone, and the smell of Castle's cologne was taking over her brain, the closeness of him created butterflies in her stomach. She wanted to move the plate away, and take his hand. She wanted to press him back against the couch, straddle him, and kiss him with everything she had. She dropped the fork onto the plate, the sound startling Castle a little.

"You done?"

"I'm stuffed," she lied.

"Okay." He nodded, and placed the plate on top of hers on the coffee table. He settled back, pressed against her side, his hands wrapped around a wine glass to keep from giving into the urge to take her hand in his. He loved her, was in love with her, and he wished she could remember that, wished he could say it again.

"You okay, Castle?" She asked, noting his own expression had changed, noting he too looked distant.

He laughed it off. "It's been one hell of a year, huh?"

She smiled. "Tell me about it. Not over yet either."

"Wonder what situations we can get ourselves into over the next few days."

"Well, I don't know about you but I've had enough brushes with death this year to last the rest of my life. If nothing even remotely eventful happens over the next few days I'll be happy."

Castle nodded in agreement. He raised his glass, handed her the half full glass of her own that was sitting almost forgotten on the small coffee table, and clinked them together. "To an uneventful week," he toasted.

"To an uneventful week."

They finished the film in a comfortable silence. Kate found herself leaning into his warmth just a little more, her side pressing just a little more noticeably into his, but when he slowly slid an arm across her shoulders and drew her even closer to him, she froze up.

"I should be going," she said quietly, her face deliciously close to being buried in his shirt.

Castle glanced down and watched her for a moment, his arm still laying across her shoulders. He needed her here tonight. "Stay," he told her, his voice barely more than a whisper.

His tone left her wondering exactly what that one word meant. "You made up the guestroom for me," she said slowly, leaning away from his warmth, and forward just enough that his hand lost contact with her shoulder. "But I didn't come prepared to spend the night."

He exhaled a breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding, his fingers now gripping into the back of the couch. He wanted her in his bed, wrapped up in his arms. He wanted to be able to spend Christmas - all of it - with the woman he loved. But the guestroom meant she would still be under his roof, would possibly join them for breakfast. He forced himself to believe it was enough for now. "Whatever you need, I'm sure Alexis has it."

"No, I really should go." Staying was dangerous - too dangerous - but god she wanted to. The thought of going home to her quiet apartment on Christmas felt wrong, made her a little sad inside. She was getting to her feet, pulling completely away from him, and she had almost taken a step when he was on his feet and his arms came around her to pull her into a hug. She inhaled a breath sharply, and froze. They didn't hug; except for a few _brief _hugs they simply didn't embrace one another. Hell, she hadn't even thrown her arms around him when she found him safe after the bank had exploded - as much as she had wanted to. Her arms hung limply at her sides for a moment, before she gave in and raised them, snaking them around his waist, returning the hug. She inhaled his scent as her face pressed into his shoulder, and she shivered slightly as his hands pressed firmly into her back. God, what was she doing?

"Please stay," he said again.

He'd turned his head, his breath moving strands of her hair, and it all just felt too good. She closed her eyes, sighed, and gave in. "In the guestroom," she affirmed, having pulled back just slightly so her voice wasn't muffled by his shirt.

She waited for the jokes, for the double entendres, for some snide comment about sharing his bed, but none came. She missed that, missed the flirty banter they'd once shared so easily. They'd been losing it lately, because any jokes would hold more truth than she was ready to accept, and he seemed to sense it.

He pulled away first, gave her some space. "Merry Christmas, Kate."

"You've said that already tonight," she replied softly.

"Never hurts to say it again," he told her. His eyes were filled with love, and he couldn't do anything to keep it hidden. It was Christmas, after all. And if you couldn't tell the people you love how much they mean to you at Christmas, then how could you at all? "I lo-"

No. No, no, no. She silenced him with her lips, pressing them to his, keeping the words from being spoken out loud, swallowing them inside herself. She knew he loved her, she didn't need - didn't want - to hear it right now. And not when she wasn't ready to say them back. He deserved more than that.  
She hoped the kiss was enough for now.

He pulled her closer, once his initial surprise eased, and kissed her back. She let out a soft moan as he sucked her bottom lip between his.

She heard herself moan, and it brought her back to herself. No. This had gone too far already. If she didn't stop this right now there would be no going back, and then he would see just how messed up she was, she would break his heart, and everything would just fall apart. They couldn't start _anything _until she was in the right place, and she wasn't there yet. She pulled back, away from his lips, and out of his arms. She ran her tongue over her lips, before rubbing them together, while his eyes watched her, his pupils dilating with need. "Merry Christmas, Castle," she managed to say, her voice a little hoarser than usual.

"What was that?" He asked, his head spinning from the unexpected kiss. Had she understood what he'd been about to say? Did she remember? No... He trusted her when she said she had no memory of the shooting.

"I... I should go." She found herself gesturing up the stairs, rather than towards the front door, and was torn between hoping that he wouldn't take that as an invitation to follow her up, and hoping that he would. "Goodnight." Her voice sounded strained, and almost foreign, to her ears.

"Wait, before you head up," he said quickly, breathlessly. "I have something for you." He almost ran into his office to retrieve the gift he had been meaning to give her all evening.

When Kate realized what he was doing, she calmly walked over to her bag, her heart still pounding, and pulled out the three small gifts she had brought. She placed the ones for Martha and Alexis under the tree, and was turning back when he returned. She held his gift out to him as he stepped up to her.

He smiled and accepted it, before handing her a small, wrapped gift. It was tempting to try another 'I love you' and see if it would result in them making out in front of the Christmas tree, but there was an awkwardness between them now, both having thrown the balance off with their words, their actions. She was more likely to punch him now than kiss him.

She honestly didn't know what to expect his gift to be. She hadn't expected a plush tiger. She couldn't keep the laughter inside, and it bubbled over, putting an end to the tension in the room that had almost become painful. She placed her hand over her mouth to stifle it, but her body still shook as the laughter tried to escape. She was utterly relieved, to be honest. Anything more personal, more intimate, would have undone her. Anything like last year's gift would have had her running for the door.

Thankfully, she had given him a similar gift.

"Twelfth Precinct coffee mug!" He exclaimed happily, his joy pushing away the lingering unease in the room. "How?"

"I smuggled it out, and if you tell anyone that I _will _kill you."

He grinned happily, holding it up and turning it every direction. "I'd give you a Richard Castle coffee mug, but I suspect you've already ordered one off the website."

She shook her head. "Not as of yet, no."

"Not buying my merchandise? I'm hurt," he said in mock anguish.

"I bought your damn graphic novel, Castle. What more do you want?" She closed her mouth quickly. What a loaded question that was.

He placed his new coffee mug on the table, and moved to stand before her again. He saw the hesitation in her eyes, saw her head turn slightly, her eyes flick to the stairs, could practically see her plotting her escape in her head. So he moved quickly, drawing her into his arms once more for a final hug, not daring to pull a mistletoe stunt tonight. He turned, his nose buried in her hair, and dropped a quick kiss to her temple, before pulling back.

She smiled, and then turned and headed up the stairs. Not quite fleeing, but not dawdling either. Once she reached the top, she turned, and said softly, "Merry Christmas, Castle," before walking out of sight, down the hall, and entering the guest room. She closed the door behind her and fell back onto the bed, her emotions raw, her heart breaking, and her resolve almost crumbling.

* * *

The next morning, she tip-toed down the stairs just before dawn, sneaking out before he or Martha awoke. Passing the kitchen bench, something caught her eyes. She walked quietly over to the large black mug resting on a small piece of paper. She read the words scrawled neatly on the note: _Merry Christmas, KB. Now we both have cool mugs._

She smiled at his words, wondering how long he had deliberated over whether to write _Kate_ or_ Beckett_. Picking up her new Richard Castle mug and the note, she placed them carefully into her bag, and slipped out the door - her secret slowly killing her inside.

* * *

**AN: Couldn't bring myself to delete the kiss from this one, though I'm sure no one's exactly angry about that ;-)**

**Reviews brighten up this dreary winter's day. Send me some warm Summer sunshine, please. I'm FREEZING here.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

**December 25th 2012**

* * *

"Rick, so good to have you join us," Jim said, ushering his daughter and her partner into his apartment. He shook Castle's hand, wishing him a Merry Christmas as he did so, before pulling his daughter into his arms for a hug. "You look happy, Katie," he said gently into her ear. She looked positively radiant.

"I am, Dad," she replied softly as she pulled back, smiling brightly.

"Good. Good." He gestured towards the table. "Take a seat, kids."

Kate took Castle's hand in hers, and led him to the table, which was laden with bowls of vegetables, a basket of warm rolls, and a large turkey in the middle.

"You feeding an army?" Castle asked in amazement.

"Nothing wrong with leftovers after Christmas," Jim replied heartily.

"Nothing at all," Castle agreed. He was a little nervous, and he was struggling to hide it. It was the first time he had spoken with Jim since the hospital, since he'd been unable to stop the bullet that almost took Kate's life. So much had happened since then.

"You okay?" Kate mouthed at Castle, sensing his unease. Castle nodded in response, before shaking his head, and Kate couldn't help but chuckle softly at him. "Relax," she mouthed.

"I can't," he mouthed back.

"Would you two speak out loud like adults," Jim chastised them as he joined them at the table.

Castle cleared his throat, even more nervous now than he had been mere moments earlier. "My mother sends her thanks, and apologizes for not being able to make it. She's tending to my heartbroken daughter."

"Oh, not too serious I hope?"

"She got a C," he replied, his eyes and tone making it clear it wasn't something his daughter was accustomed to. "It's taking a lot of ice cream and soothing words to convince her it isn't the end of the world."

"Poor Alexis," Kate agreed. "I remember how that feels."

"Katie's first C." Jim smiled at the memory. "She refused to leave her room for days."

"And I was fifteen," she muttered. "High school." Castle took her hand under the table, and squeezed it. She glanced at him and chuckled softly. "It was a long time ago, Castle. I'm over it."

He didn't release her hand, his thumb gently stroking her warm skin, but kept the contact hidden under the table. "Alexis might appreciate hearing your experience."

Kate made a noncommittal noise, but said nothing more. Although she hadn't yet mustered the courage to mention it to Alexis, something felt off between them. There was a coolness in the teen's demeanor whenever she was around. It wasn't glaringly obvious, but Kate felt it, and Castle was clearly aware of it. She squeezed Castle's hand once more, before letting it go.

As Kate reached for the corn, something caught Jim's eye. "Katie," he said gently, his voice sounding so surprised that Kate couldn't help but look up at him instantly. "Your watch." On her wrist was the new one he had given her a couple of years back on Christmas day.

She paused as her hand touched the bowl of corn, and glanced down at her arm. She had meant for that reveal to come later, after she had given him his gift. Too late now.

Castle's gaze flicked between them. The moment was full of raw emotion, more than he had anticipated, and it left him feeling somewhat awkward as the father and daughter smiled through their tears.

She left the corn in the middle of the table, and wiped her cheeks dry, surprised this moment had such a profound effect on her. "I brought you a gift, Dad." She reached into her pocket, and pulled out the small box, handing it across the table to her father. "I was going to do this later."

He nodded, accepting the gift. "My watch." He said knowingly.

Kate nodded.

He smiled, his lips trembling just slightly. Standing, he moved over to where Kate sat, pulled her out of her chair, and into his arms. She hugged him fiercely. He noticed something else had changed; the ring once worn on a chain around his daughter's neck was no longer present. He imagined a lot of these changes had to do with the man sitting at his dinner table, fidgeting awkwardly with a napkin. He kissed her cheek as they separated, and then laid a hand on Castle's shoulder as he returned to his own seat. The contact was brief, but the message came through loud and clear: Thank you for being in my daughter's life.

* * *

"So that's what you do every year before we see you," Castle observed as they stepped into his loft.

"That's what I do. My father and I eat, exchange awkward conversation, and then exchange gifts." She paused, before adding, "And sometimes we cry."

"It was nice," he said. Awkward, but nice. "Thank you for allowing me to join you."

"New traditions, Castle," she replied, smiling warmly.

They were creating their own traditions now. They had started when he had asked her to help decorate the loft this year, allowing her to see exactly how much effort went into the finished product and leaving her even more amazed by what he and Alexis did each year. They had spent hours carefully arranging the lights and decorations with almost painstaking precision. Once it was all done, and both Castles were satisfied, Alexis had headed up to bed, Martha too had retired for the night (after having supervised the entire ordeal from the couch with a bottle of wine), leaving Castle and Kate relaxing on the couch. From the couch it had soon moved to his bedroom.

New traditions indeed.

* * *

After dessert, and a glass of wine, and a nudge from Castle, Kate had quietly followed Alexis up the staircase. "Alexis? Can we talk?" It wasn't about the grade.

Alexis stopped midway down the hall, just before reaching her bedroom, and turned to meet Beckett's eyes. "Is everything okay, Detective Beckett?" She asked.

Kate smiled. "Please call me Kate." At Alexis' slight nod, she added, "And no, something's wrong. Did I do something to upset you, Alexis?"

Alexis sighed softly. She had spoken about her feelings with her father, but had never anticipated having to have a similar conversation with his girlfriend. She was aware she had given Detective Beckett more than a few tight-lipped smiles, that never quite reached her eyes, and it was time to stop that. She resisted from folding her arms across her chest, tried to keep the her body-language from becoming defensive. "I'm protective of my father," she replied slowly. "I practically raised him, you know." She was smiling slightly as she spoke the last sentence, needing to keep the mood from becoming too dark. She liked Detective—Kate. She really did. She was still adjusting to the change in relationship between her father and Beckett, and still worried about him every time he ran off to hunt down a murderer.

Kate smiled. "I know."

"Keep him safe for me, and don't break his heart."

"I promise." Kate frowned. "But if this conversation was going to be this easy we'd have had it a long time ago."

Alexis nodded. "I'm learning to be okay with this, but it hasn't been easy watching him deal with you," she replied, not knowing how to make the words any less harsh. "And I'm terrified I'm going to lose him, that the next bullet will be for him." Her last words came out as a whisper.

Kate resisted the urge to give Alexis a hug. She stood in place, keeping a distance between them. "I understand, I do. I promise you, Alexis, that I never meant to hurt—" She faltered for a moment, over what name to call him in front of his daughter. "Rick. And I will do everything in my power to keep him from harm."

"It sounds funny when you call him that."

"Rick?"

"Yeah."

"Sounds weird to me too," she admitted, and she felt the slight tension still between them begin to dissipate. "I love him, Alexis. I hope you're okay with that."

Alexis was silent for a moment. "You should tell him that," she replied softly, aware her father had been waiting desperately for those words. "And then I'll be okay with it."

It felt like a punch to the gut to hear the sadness in her tone, to know that she was right. She needed to tell him. "I will."

"Merry Christmas, Detective," Alexis said warmly. At Beckett's raised eyebrows, she explained, "It still feels weird to call you 'Kate'."

Kate smiled. "I understand. Merry Christmas, Alexis."

They parted amicably, Alexis excusing herself into her bedroom, and Kate heading for the staircase.

When she met Castle at the bottom, he asked, "Everything okay?"

With a hopeful smile, Kate replied, "Yeah. I think it is."

* * *

"You're making my son very happy," Martha murmured to Kate when Castle excused himself for the kitchen. With him out of earshot, she took the moment to comment on the changes she had seen in him.

Kate blushed slightly at Martha's words. "He makes me happy too," she replied softly, her gaze shifting to where Castle stood, his back to them while he sifted through the contents of the refrigerator, on a mission to find an elusive can of whipped cream he was sure was back there somewhere.

"I'm glad you two kids finally figured this all out."

"I am too."

* * *

It was near midnight by the time Martha excused herself, wishing them a Merry Christmas one final time before making her way up the stairs.

Castle waited until they were alone before placing an arm around Kate's shoulders. They had sat next to one another, sides and knees pressed tight, throughout the movie. Halfway through, Kate had nudged him gently, smiled warmly, and placed her hand over his on his thigh. He had turned his hand, palms pressed tight, and stroked her skin with his thumb. There was still a shyness in their actions, still a hesitation to touch or kiss in the company of family, or friends.  
He drew her body to his now, and she allowed him to hold her against him. She still wasn't the cuddliest person he knew, but she allowed him to hold her close, allowed the intimacy. They had been together now a little more than six months, and she continued to open up, continued to allow him in just a little more every day. They were already out of the honeymoon phase, and a few weeks prior she had called him up on the little things that were bugging her, and he had returned the favor. The make-up sex that night had been mind-blowing. She had warned him at the start not to expect her to snuggle up next to him on the couch in front of his family, and to give her the time she needed to say certain words back to him. The more she healed, the more steps she took forward, the more she would open up. He was used to giving her time, used to giving her space. None of that made this relationship any less frustrating however.

Kate sighed softly against his shoulder. The TV was off, the apartment quiet. The only light came from the hundreds of Christmas lights twinkling around them. Outside the snow was settling, the temperature dropping. Inside, she felt safe. Warm. Loved.

She sipped her wine and closed her eyes, content in the calm of the moment.

Castle nudged the top of her head with his nose. When she raised her head to meet his eyes, he captured her red, wine-stained lips with his. She tasted sweet, of mulled wine and pumpkin pie. Sweet, and spicy, and warm. "Nice lipstick," he teased gently. "Is that a new shade?"

Her fingers touched her lips, and she smiled. "Probably suits me better than it does you," she pointed out, causing him to raise his own fingers to his lips, and she laughed at him. She placed her wine glass on the coffee table, before taking his from his own hands and placing it out of the way.

He moved closer and kissed her again, his mouth soft yet persistent, drawing her lips apart, his tongue seeking entrance. She opened her mouth to him, tongues moving against the other, languidly exploring. His hands, now free of his wine glass, fell to the seams of her turtleneck, dragged the thin cashmere upwards, until they found her warm skin. His fingertips brushed against her skin, before pressing lightly into her hips, pulling her ever closer to him. She broke the kiss, smiling, and moved quickly, effortlessly, to straddle his hips. Her knees came to rest on the soft couch cushions beneath them, on either side of his thighs, and she lowered herself down slowly, almost painfully so. Both still fully clothed, she moved her hips, brushing denim against denim, applying just a little pressure so he could feel every move her hips made.

His fingers gripped at her hips; his face pressed between her breasts, the barrier of her turtleneck keeping him from feeling her soft skin, rounded breasts, and that now static reminder of the day he almost lost her. He groaned in frustration against her clothing.

She applied just a little more pressure when she heard him groan. She was causing herself as much frustration as she was causing him. Pupils dilated, skin flushed as bodies heated up; she could feel herself growing wetter the harder he became, straining against the denim between them.

"Bedroom. Now," he practically growled.

Kate nodded, her lower lip caught firmly between her teeth in anticipation. She moved off his lap, her hand reached for his, and their fingers became entwined. She tugged him to his feet, and led him to his bedroom.

Closing the door firmly behind them, she turned and captured his lips with hers, her hands curling behind his neck, running through his hair, over his back, everywhere she could touch him.

His own hands snaked under her top, undid the clasp of her bra, brushed teasingly down her back, tracing her spine.

"I love you," she whispered, breathless and flushed. His eyes grew wide at her words, astonishment and relief sweeping over his features, and she smiled shyly. "Merry Christmas."

He didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He settled for pulling her into his arms in an almost bone-crushing hug, and held her close, feeling her lips on his neck, leaving hot, wet, kisses against his skin. "I love you, Kate. Merry Christmas."

* * *

In the morning, she awoke first, and snuggled her naked body against his, with no plans to move anytime soon. There would be no sneaking out anymore.

* * *

**AN: Sappy Christmas fic in June because it's winter in New Zealand and I felt oddly inspired.**  
**While I am marking this as complete, I reserve the right to return to it later in the year and add another Christmas, or two. If you'd like to see that, let me know in the reviews :-)**


End file.
